Easter Monday

Shit hits the fan, officially, starting this week.

For the first time in my life, I’ve put my personal needs ahead of business ones and have spent most of the past month sorting things out with myself and with CBC. I am just tickled with the way I’ve been able to manage my feelings, work my program and grow. It’s been a growth spurt reminiscent of the ones from earlier days in my recovery.

I feel really good about all that, about myself, and about where things are heading with CBC. It’s been so long since I’ve had a real-life, talk on the phone a couple times a day, get together a few times a week, close friend that I’d forgotten how good it feels. Being aware of my faults and successfully avoiding pitfalls that have always ensnared me helps a lot in that too.

But as with everything else in life, this is not without a cost. I’ve back-burnered almost everything in my business. Mixing metaphors, those issues have continued to grow and are beginning to bloom like springtime crocuses.

The subcontractor I contracted with for the library projects and another one promptly got a full-time job after we firmed things up. Then all the PCs in his house died. And he keeps making time for his wife and kids. As a result, not one line of code for any of the three projects.

One of the library projects is due Thursday. The grant money runs out after that. The other I’m contractually obligated to complete by April 15. Fortunately, no money has changed hands so the lawyers may not have much to work with.

The third project, I’m beginning to think it might make more sense just to abandon the project and help the client find a new contractor.

Other client stuff is backed up and several hours more work arrived in the email this morning.

I’m feeling completely overwhelmed. For some people, this makes them spring into action. For others, they flake out and flit from thing to thing to thing at least getting some progress on each. The healthy ones contact everyone and adjust priorites, then take things one step at a time.

Me? I become paralyzed with indecision. And guilt.

Okay. I just made a decision and acted on it. I sent an email off to another programmer.

Did some other stuff too. It’s a start.

The thing that I don’t understand is that I’m pretty good at helping other people through this sort of thing, but I don’t seem to be able to do it for myself. Perhaps coming from outside one’s own head has something to do with it.

CBC is suffering the same thing with regard to moving. She was nearly in the same state when I called this morning.

“Okay. Let’s start with what’s done,” I suggested. “Except for a suitcase of stuff you’ll wear for the next week, are all your clothes packed?”


“Boy clothes and girl clothes?”


“Okay. Other bedroom stuff other than your bed?”

“All boxed.”

“Bathroom? Except for a travel toilet kit?”

“The closet is empty.”

“Sounds like there’s other stuff too, though.”

“Some,” she admitted. “Not much.”

“Fine. Kitchen?”

“Everything’s packed except for a couple plates and glasses.”

“You’ll need those, so don’t worry about it. How about decorative accessories and furniture than needs disassembly?”

“I don’t have much of either.”

“Okay, now the biggies. Books?”

“Ha,” she exclaimed, sounding triumphant. “I finally got all those packed.”

“Great. Computers and computer gunk?”

“Seven down. Just my laptop and the main one are still up.”

I mulled this over for a bit. “Well, you know, it sounds to me like everything is well in hand. You have the rest of today and three more days. Think that’ll be enough for what little remains?”

She thought about this. “Yeah. When you put it that way, there really isn’t that much more to do until I get the truck.” A pause. “Thanks. I feel better all ready.”

Now, if only I could get someone to do the same for me…

4 Responses to “Easter Monday”

  1. Von Says:

    Do the next right thing. Keep it simple. You might think you are unable to prioritize, but I think if you take a minute, you’ll find you already have. Just don’t try to do it all at one time. (And, dude, your comments are weird this morning. I have to hit enter at the end of each line. And I tried to backspace and it punted me out of the whole comments section.)

  2. brucew Says:

    Yeah, well the backspace key works like the Back button in your browser. Fucks me up all the time when I’m buying shit online. Not sure about the other part though. Seems fine now.

    Prioritizing has always been an issue for me. I seem to have only two slots to put things into: “Eeek I’ve gotta do this right away” and “Fuck it. That can wait.” Right now, everything’s been in the latter slot for so long it’s all shifted to the former.

  3. Chris Says:

    Okay, if you’re still dithering, take the project that’s due Thursday and just get on with it! (Forget about everything else.) When that’s done, I’ll give you the next instruction. 🙂

  4. brucew Says:

    Yes sir!