Good Pride, Bad Pride

Copyright © 1999 Willie Siu  All Rights Reserved

In Spanish there are two words to describe the two aspects of Pride (Orgullo and Soberbia). In first place, there is the sense of pride that make you feel good about something in which you put effort and love. This aspect of Pride is the warm sense that make you feel proud of being part of that something that make you feel special; this is good pride (Orgullo).

On the other hand, we have the capital sin. This kind of pride could take you to places that you might not go, and could keep you from enter to those other places that might be advantageous for you to experience. Wait a minute, there is a word in English to describe this kind of "Bad" pride: self-righteousness (in the case that hyphened words are real words, indeed). Please take note that, I am not referring to a self-righteous person as a high-maintenance-conceited-egocentric person (let's overuse the hyphen).

The self-righteousness that I refer here is the aspect of pride that worries me. I pray to God/Universe to help me to understand my own self-righteousness and then get rid of it. I know I could do better without it. I could use some humbleness.

I know that if I were more humble, I knew that I'm not always infallible. If I were more humble, I knew that I am only human. I could learn to respect my limits and to admit my mistakes. I could actually realize them, forgive them, and eventually conquer them.

If I were more humble, I could practice more forgiveness toward myself and the people that surround me. I could understand and feel the "compassion" that my friend Jim talks about whenever he advises me. If I were more humble, I could quit being judgmental, because a humble person knows that we are all human.

If I were less self-righteous, I would be more patient. Because, a self-righteous person does not respect the rhythms of the Universe. Situations, circumstances, people are ready at their own pace, not a minute later, not a minute earlier. The Universe/God does not work for those that impatiently expect everything to be right on time for their own benefit.

If I were more humble, I could live my life in the present. I could forget about re-living the past, extending its time. Also, I could quit planning my future by inflating useless expectations. Because it is a lie to think that past times were always better, or that the future will bring happiness. Now is the moment, and the only certainty we can count on.

If I were more humble, I could realize the presence and force of God/Universe in everything that exist, even in those probabilities that are known as inspirations or ideas. If I were more humble, I could trust more, I could let go more easy. Because God/Universe will be always there for me, to help me, to transform me, to empower me, and to teach me. The sense of humbleness could help me to see more clearly that every experience is filled with the force of the Universe/God. I could trust more. A humble persons posses Respect, the kind of respect that keeps the harmony between human beings and the Universe/God/Nature.

It is difficult for me to let go, and the idea of being humble scares me. Sometimes I think I have the answer for everything but that is just a pathetic attempt to feel in control.

I know I suffer because I am gay, because I think being gay is wrong. I should quit being so judgmental, life is not polarized in Good and Bad, right and wrong. The right sense of humbleness could help me to understand my human condition, and I could just be.

I am also very impatient, and that is so disrespectful to the Universe/God. Just because I think I am right and ready it doesn't apply for the rest of world.

My own self-righteousness makes me forget about God/Universe. It makes me forget that God is present in every creature, in every circumstance, results, situations, etc. Even those that I had considered bad in my life. I sometimes forget that God/Universe was there teaching me the lessons I needed to learn.

If I were more humble, I could just let myself rejoice in my own existence, grateful of being granted with the gift of life, happy of just being part of everything, right here and right now.

Willie Siu

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