Topsy-turvy
Perhaps that’s putting it a bit too strongly. But as can be expected, my emotions have been flip-flopping all day.
I’m really happy for Web-boy that he’s making a change in direction in his life that requires he be closer to NYC. (He’s going back to school, either NYU or Columbia. I told you he’s smart.) I’m sad for me, well, because I was hoping for more time and closeness.
I’ve got until the end of the month to figure out where I stand, where he stands and where we stand. I can’t beat around the bush and am screwing up the courage for the direct approach.
Reining-in my inner drama queen is going to be the most difficult part of the process. The DQ vacillates between wanting to have a crying fit and running out to the hardware store to buy rope so I can tie him to the bed. (Which is not without its own attraction, mind you.)
So I’m falling back on the essentials of the program. I’m powerless over his decision (DQ asks, “Or am I?”) and there’s a power greater than myself who can restore me to sanity, if I ask and let go.
I’m looking too for the lessons, but they go both ways too. Is it a lesson in letting go, or in siezeing the moment or opportunity to move downstate? Is it a case of loving someone enough to let them follow their own path, or loving someone enough to uproot myself and follow him? Does he love me or love me not?
It shuld prove to be an interesting three weeks.
BTW, check the comments on yesterday’s entry.
March 12th, 2005 at 10:26 am EST
When you don’t know what direction to turn, stand still. You might be amazed at what happens when you don’t try to go in any particular direction. Enjoy him while he is in Ro-cha-cha, enjoy yourself and be open to what the universe may have in store for you. big hugs