The Believer in Me

I want to dedicate this page to the memory of David Munro.
David, we'll miss you.

The Believer in Me

I was raised Catholic; well, that's what my mother says. I was baptized, had Godparents, and received my first communion. I even went to catechism class. At catechism class I was a terror for the nuns. I never knew if they hated me or feared me. I guess they feared me most of all. I was always questioning their lessons about the bible, the saints, God and Catholicism in general. Can you picture me, a cute Chinese boy, with peachy cheeks asking questions like: "Is the devil God's child too? Why there are no Chinese saints or angels? Do you know about Darwin and the evolution theory?"

I am sure that the nuns were really concerned that I might be a heretic. Actually, I didn't finish the catechism course with them, I was sent to the priests. In fact, for my first communion I was bribed to finish my studies with a promise of a huge party after the ceremony.

Still a teenager, I proudly quoted the Spaniard film maker Luis Buñuel saying: "Thank God I have no religion." You have to understand my perspective that Catholicism was brought to Nicaragua (and Latin America in general), by the Spanish conquerors. Religion was used as a weapon and a domination tool against the natives, and it hasn't change that much. Religion equals politics. I proudly renounce Catholicism, or any form of religion; but not to the idea of God. My perception about God has changed through my life. It is no longer the white-bearded, rope and sandals dressed old Caucasian grandpa, no sir. My perception of God is little bit more elaborated, yet paradoxically simple.

I have kept some of my "Catholic" principles. For instance, one important principle is the omnipresence of God. For me, God is present in every corner of the Universe and Its manifestations. God covers all, from the most trite seemingly insignificant life-form to the farthest star that pinches the sky at night. This is why, for me, talk of God is the same as talk of the Universe.

God, for me, is not exactly a person, but a summation of all of us. We all share It, among us, and within everything that exist and is yet to be created. God is the Universe itself. Day and night, good and bad, right and wrong, valleys and peaks. God is present within all the harmonics that constitute the chaos of the Universe; from the extremes and in between. We share all It.

I refuse to believe that God watches us from the heavens, and like a father punishes us whenever we do wrong or sin. I also refuse to believe that God is the eternal battle between the extreme Good and the extreme Evil. God is both a Destination, and its Path. I don't think God should be a sacred recluse to churches. God is sacred in the world, just as the air we breathe.

In Nicaragua, whenever somebody utters a sacrilegious statement, we usually reply with the saying: "Do not touch God with your dirty hands." Yet, I believe that God is on the dirt of my hands. In fact, I think God is inside my cells (hand cells) and myself, and I do want to touch God with my bare hands. God's sanctity relies on communion with everything and every body.

Once I had changed my point of view about God/Universe, I became more aware. God for me is no longer an "Eye in the Sky". On the contrary, God is the Universe, and we all live in God. God is in everyone of us, and God joins us together. But wait a minute, this is my perception of God, how does this help me, anyway?

For instance, one of the best examples of how this perception of God/Universe influences me is in the way I pray. Whenever I pray, I try to get in contact with the part of God/Universe that is inside me. I know that this part of me is connected with the Universe. This part is also connected to the endless possibilities in which our reality could be channeled. Then, whenever I pray I am actually rooting for the best possible outcome. This is why it is important to keep a "positive thinking." While praying, I am also asking for comprehension, acceptance, compassion and wisdom. I try not to pray with just words, but also with my feelings. Feelings are more extensive than words. I try to pray in my dreams and make the praying a tri-dimensional act. Opposite to this, I was taught to pray (by repetitive prayers) and ask for the forgiveness of my sins, and my soul redemption. My Soul... I guess that is the part of the Universe/God inside me.

A second example could be that this knowledge that God and the Universe are One reminds me to be more thankful. Whenever some marvelous event occurs (marvelous like the dawn or the sunset, the rainbows or the thunders, the nature and its cycles, the continuity of life, etc.) I say "Thank You God" for letting me be part of this. And we are all part of It... Thank God.

Note 1: I am not trying to convert anybody, or even convince anybody to renounce their religion. I just want to exercise my freedom of speech, and express a part of my belief. Please, if you read this, do it with your mind open, along with the part of God that is in You. Peace.

Note 2: I must thank Jim for the grammar corrections and his incredible patience. I also have to thank Bruce, for the space in which he allows me to express myself. God/Universe bless them both.

Willie Siu

Essays
What Am I Doing?	Faith and Certainty	Misery's Advice
Approval Sickness	Good Pride, Bad Pride	The Believer In Me
	Self

Elsewhere
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