What Am I Doing?

Before I started writing and before I decided to start, I questioned myself about why I wanted to write my thoughts and publish them on the internet. I asked two of my best friends their advice, and they both said the same thing, "Willie do it, just do it, it will become a journey".

Actually, I was more concerned with my personal reasons for doing this. I am not directly writing about myself, but about the things that go around my mind sometimes. I am not looking for answers. Perhaps I am looking for people to read them and to sympathize. Perhaps I just want to find two or three people that will email me and tell me that they feel exactly the same way I do. Perhaps I am trying to reach and to touch somebody more deeply and help this person with my words (I don't really like this reason because it is quite patronizing). Perhaps I want to show off, who knows? Who knows if there will be people reading this? But if you are right now, I must welcome you and wish you find this at least amusing (I will try to have no pretensions).

However, as a way of self-expression, I must say that I have several concerns that I could list as follows:

Does the message goes through? I am writing in English because it is my second language and it allows me to look at myself from a different perspective. The English language allows me to analyze any of my thoughts from a "foreign" point of view.
Am I showing off? I don't think it will be the case. Sure I use a lot of big words, but most of the time I will use any sentence possible. I will stretch and bend the English grammar in order to accentuate whatever I write. However, I am a "show off", I like to present myself as "the smartest cookie on the jar". I love to show off my intelligence with witty and sharp comments. For sure I must restrain myself from this, because whenever I found myself spreading balsamic advice through my words it sucks.
There is nothing wrong with that. My expectation is more to receive feedback, and learn something new, rather than being preachy (so e-mail me at least to say hi).
Is it necessary to describe myself, and my background? Perhaps it is a good idea. If I am going to share my thoughts I should also share my history, my background. So, what can I say. I am a 31 yo, gay Nicaraguan guy, from mixed parents (my father is Chinese and my mother is Nicaraguan), 5'-6", br/br, nice looking, nice person, Taurus... what other label do you need to picture me?
Do I take this seriously? I actually tend to take myself way to seriously, this is a escape valve for me. Writing about my thoughts and in a foreign language helps to ease my mind, it helps me to take myself less seriously. Whenever I think too hard, I gather a lot of stress... and that is not a pretty picture. Besides, I like to try new things, and I will be reasonably accurate and most of all I will try to enjoy it.
Does the message goes through? You know all this will be on the Internet. This will be another web site with a bunch of words in it (what I consider just mere information). I find that words are sometimes limited, (not just because of my English and my limited experience as a writer), by their own nature words are limited. I think it was on an X-Files that I heard something very appropriate. On this particular episode one of the characters said something like this, "Words are just the reflections of the thoughts and not the thoughts themselves" (something like that). I agree, whatever I write here will depend on so many factors, it will be more complicated that it seems and more simple that it might result.

Well, there is nothing else to say, but welcome and enjoy.

Willie Siu

Essays
What Am I Doing?	Faith and Certainty	Misery's Advice
Approval Sickness	Good Pride, Bad Pride	The Believer In Me
	Self

Elsewhere
Willie's Home Page		brucew.com Home Page

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