Journal

My PC is down at home so I’m hoping to get this posted before I leave work today. There’s nothing wrong with the PC. I helped Jim wipe and reload his PC this weekend and it was just easier to tear mine apart so we could swap drives around to back up his stuff before wiping his drives. When we were done it was late and I just didn’t feel like putting the ‘puter back together.

Last week things finally returned to normal here at work. I don’t think anyone could have taken many more days full of crisis after crisis. I was finally able to go "Formica mining" and clear several archeological layers from my desk. Next project is my desk at home.

I found myself getting more and more anxious as the week went on and Jeffrey’s release date came nearer. The questions kept spinning round and round in my mind. "Is he ready already?" "Have I had enough time to get my shit together so I don’t lapse into another round of enabling his addictions?" "Is he really serious and committed to maintaining sobriety?" "What if he relapses?"

Despite all my questions, Wednesday night I posted his bail so that there would be no doubt come Friday morning that he would be released. All day Thursday I was all cranked up on adrenaline and anxiety. So we could make it to court on time, I left work an hour early, and Debbie met me in the lobby here, so we could drive right over.

There were over a dozen "in custody" cases, and they appeared to fill the waiting room behind the witness stand. Danger-Boy managed to get a seat across from the door, and we had similar seats in the courtroom. He kept us in stitches the whole time clowning around back there.

Apparently until his case was called, the judge had no idea bail had been posted. I wasn’t sure how he’d react to that. But combined with Jeffrey’s certificate of completion of the drug rehab program in the jail, and his plans for job hunting and continuing with meetings and possible out-patient programs, His Honor set a date two weeks from now to check Jeff’s progress. He made it very clear that there would be one of two outcomes. First, if he stayed clean and sober, kept up with meetings, got a job, and so on, that he’d be released with time-served. Alternatively, if Jeff fucks-up, His Honor will impose the stiffest sentence he can under the law.

After, we had only 45 minutes to get Debbie to her court date on the other side of the county. Thank heavens we have a great expressway system here. Traversing three interstates, we made it with 15 minutes to spare without even exceeding the speed limit. On the first leg of the journey, it would have been folly to speed anyway, for as we pulled out of the lot at the courthouse, the Sheriff’s van pulled out behind us.

Jeffrey must have seen us through the tinted windows and said something to the deputy for as I merged into traffic from the on-ramp, the van stayed right on my bumper. As soon as I could, I moved to the center lane. Then the dep pulled along side and paced us as Debbie waved through the window. Then they dropped back, changed lanes twice, and pulled up on my side so I could wave. Our highway greetings over, the deputy, being a member of law enforcement, in a Sheriff’s van and therefore having a license to speed, put his foot to the floor and took off. Three exits up, as we headed for the underpass we could see the dep waving to us from the stoplight at the top of the ramp.

Debbie got a postponement at her court because it wasn’t a night the Public defender was there. We picked up a few groceries on the way home, made dinner and waited for the nightly phone call. With all the anxiety between the three of us, the phone call did not go well. I kept myself contained, Debbie did not. I did my best to console her.

My anger and aggravation level must have been pretty high because I launched into a cleaning fit. I cleaned everything except the oven. At midnight I was still cranking, so I launched into the laundry. Now I have lots of clothes. Enough that I only have to do laundry once a month. There are multiple machines in the basement, and at that time of day there’s not much competition for them. So even though I did 15 loads, wash, dry and put away, it took only 3½ hours.

This of course made for a short night. I awoke tired and cranky and that, unfortunately, set the tone for the day. I arrived at the jail a few minutes late. I’d been expecting him to already be out and waiting. He wasn’t. I checked with the deputy. They had another inmate with the same last name on the release list! I gave him the correct name, date of birth and inmate number, and presented my bail receipt. He called someone then told me they would have Jeff out in a few minutes, and he was. I wonder how the other guy felt?

Anyway, Jeff sensed right away that I wasn’t at my best, and throughout our travels he cut me a lot of slack. We made our rounds and met Debbie back here in the early afternoon just before her ultrasound appointment. I was so tickled that she’d asked me. When the technician took the prints to the obstetrician she made the mistake of telling me how to make more prints. I’m afraid I went a little overboard. But at least half the planet can have originals.

Afterwards we went grocery shopping. I employed all my shopping skills filling the cart AND the bottom rack for only $75. We swung by Blockbuster on the way home and got a couple of tapes.

I’m afraid I blew up when we got home. He didn’t do anything wrong. Yeah a couple of niggling things, BFD. It was me who had the attitude. The way he handled it was exemplary. He changed clothes, told me he wasn’t angry with me, and said he was going out for a while so my anger didn’t rub off on him.

The problem is, again, with me. When I get angry, not matter how inappropriately, it doesn’t go away until it’s been addressed. Walking away for a cool down period works for most people. It certainly works for Jeff. For me, it just adds frustration on top of the anger, and I stew.

When he got back, I erupted again. He then got angry with me. And just before World War III broke out it finally hit me that I had made his first day of freedom exactly the opposite of what I’d intended. We backed down from DEFCON 1.

Once we got things settled down, I still needed some consoling so I phoned Jim, who came right over despite the fact he was getting ready for bed. It was strange at first with Jeff meeting Jim and Jim meeting Jeff for the first time. I think they were each ready to dislike the other. Instead they found they like each other.

Jeff and Debbie took off running errands, checking out apartments and visiting family and friends. Sitting here now, I have no recollection whatsoever of what I did Saturday afternoon, which probably means I took a nap. Jim returned while I was in the shower. A true gentleman, he waited until I was dressed before attacking me on the couch. J

Later, the four of us went back to Blockbuster and got two more movies. Jeff and Debbie went to a meeting, Jim and I came home and ate more chili. The rest of the evening was a carbon copy of the night before as we all sprawled out on the floor. It was fun introducing the three of them to the wonders of at-home Dolby Surround Sound. BTW, Deep Impact sounds great here.

Jim had brought his PC over. It’s an older one that he’s upgraded over the years. But he’s never wiped the drive an reloaded anything. It’s been upgraded from DOS5, to DOS6, then Windows 3.1, and finally Windows 95. Frankly, with all those operating system upgrades, I was amazed the thing still worked. Of course it fought us tooth and nail, and I wound up spending over 10 hours on it.