Journal

So what’s you’re ol’ buddy Bruce been up to tonight? Well, the night started early, sort of. Got home from work. I have a side job to do on Sunday, so I had to get the PC in order because I have to take one of my hard drives with me. I ate the 2^nd half of the sub I got at Park Place Deli last night, and then the irresistible urge to nap hit. At about 7:30. Woke up at 12:55.

It’s been a busy week. I finally got out of the data center at work this week. Working help-desk calls. Loved every minute of it because it suits me. Quick, once and done stuff, roaming around the building, meeting a lot of people, fixing whatever problem they had with their PC.

That’s what I like to do. It’s helping people out, a noble thing to do, and you get to shoot the breeze, and who doesn’t like that? If they’re frustrated, you crack jokes or be soothing, whatever works to calm them down. Then it’s done, and on to the next. Because it’s quick, it works for my ADD too. Suits me to a "T".

But, after sitting on my already too flat ass for the past few weeks in the data center, it’s tiring. Up and down the stairs, back and forth for this and that, adjusting the priorities of the calls, and actually having to think for a change. The only reason it took so much out of me is because I’m out of practice.

Anyway, so the PC was doing it’s thing, I figured about three hours, so down for a nap. Real nice breeze blowing through the apartment, turned the stereo down low enough to hear, but still up enough to kinda cover most of the sounds of the city and the tape drive. And I zonked right out.

Got to Muther’s a little after one. I spied this guy right away. Shoulder-length dark hair, tall, nice build, cute face, wearing a torn-off sweatshirt that said "Florida", and he was oozing sex from every pore. I dismissed him because of the "str8-boy" attitude I could feel all the way across the room. Got a drink, found Johnny. And, I got a fine how do ya do.

"Well, where the fuck have you been? I got here early cause I had to see you, and you stroll in just before last call!"

Nice to see you too!

No, it was all said tongue-in-cheek, so don’t get me wrong. He just needed someone to spout off to about his week. Ya know, someday he’s gonna get a life, and when that happens, he won’t know what to do with himself. Anyway, we got a seat out on the patio, and I listened while he spouted off about everything from peach tree fungus to drag queens.

Since the new guy behind the bar got to me before Randy did, I had a water and Dewar’s, instead of a Dewar’s and water, so the first one went down quick. We went back to the bar for refills, and Miss Florida was just off the side of the DJ booth, trying to pick up two lesbians. You see that a lot in a mixed bar. "Str8-boys" hitting on lesbian couples. Must be a manlyhood thing. "I’m enough man for two lesbians!" Get a life, okay?

There’s another one I didn’t see tonight. Blond, shorter, but built like a brick shithouse. Wouldn’t mind a toss in the hay with that boy, but I’ve got the wrong plumbing, if ya know what I mean. Still, it’s entertaining to watch them in action. Better than HBO!

So I said to Johnny, "I’ve gotta watch Miss Florida over here try to pick up this lesbian couple." We moved over. Kirk joined us. I don’t think I’ve written about Kirk. About 6’-1" or 2", weighs less than I do. Johnny always taunts him, "Eat a sandwich or something!" Kirk’s a sweet guy, and he knows it’s all in fun. He generally has some kind of snappy comeback. In fact, tonight, he dropped his cigarette to the floor, just so he could "snap."

Kirk noticed Miss Florida too, and started drooling. So we three stood along the wall and watched the show. Time passed. And as the crowd moves by, you pick up bits of conversation. One group went by and they were temporarily stuck in traffic in front of me. One says to the other, "It’s like elbow to elbow in here." I leaned over and said, "Well, I prefer to think of it as, asshole to bellybutton." This had the desired effect and we all laughed.

Turned out they were in visiting from Buffalo for the night. They’d come to see Club Porkette, er, I mean, Club Marchella, because there’s one in Buffalo too. Didn’t like the one here in Rahchacha, (personally, I don’t care for either one) so they asked around and someone sent them over to Muther’s.

Last call comes and goes, the lesbians abandoned Miss Florida, who then stood at the end of the bar nursing his beer. We had danced to a couple of numbers. The DJ played "Brazen Weep" by Skunk Anisie. It’s the first time I’ve heard it anywhere other than in my apartment. As you may recall, I SCREAM over this song. There’s a review on the Music Page.

So Johnny heads off to the tearoom saying, "Don’t take Miss Florida home without me." So I’m thinking, "Hmmm, two long-haired guys. I can deal with that." There must’ve been a line at the tearoom because Johnny was gone for a while.

Honestly, I wasn’t really thinking about Miss Florida. Really. But he was, as they say, easy on the eyes. He starts to head for the door, pulls out a cigarette, can’t find a light, sticks it behind his ear, (how butch!) and heads for the door. So, being the helpful kind of guy that I am, I offered, "Ya needa light?"

About this time, Johnny comes back from the tearoom. Sees me with Miss Florida, pecks me on the cheek, says goodbye and checks out. Having nothing else to do, I hit on Miss Florida. Just for the practice you understand. I had no other motives than a pleasant flirt. He came back to my place!

Yes, I did peruse the personals ads in City, and there’s a couple of new ones that look interesting. But mostly I got it for the schedule of events at the Lilac Festival, which started yesterday and runs through next Sunday. I mean, just in case I was pleasantly surprised at McDonald’s (Eeew!) later. Turns out, I was. But that’s later in the day.

When I got back, someone had beat me to the laundry machines by just minutes, and it was still before 8:00! L But on the bright side, I didn’t have to hurry though my coffee and bagel. I did have to do some cleaning up around here. So I started on that, and partway through the dusting, (a senseless task in the summer since the windows are open all the time,) I bailed.

I’ve been meaning to reorganize the CD shelves for a while now, actually since I put them up in January, and I thought that would be a lot more fun than vacuuming, doing dishes or laundry. Well it was. J And isn’t the weekend for things other than chores anyway?

Every time someone visits the apartment for the first time, the second thing out of their mouths after "Is this the whole place?" is "Holy shit! How many CDs do you have?" Lately, I’ve been guessing around 300, maybe 350. Here’s this morning’s count:

Anyway, I culled the herd (or is that heard) by 22. Of those, 20 I’m gonna trade at a used CD store. They’re boxed and ready to go. I had two singles, one import, one domestic of Gloria Estefan’s "I’m Not Giving You Up", so I’m giving one up to Willie. And Johnny likes "Insomnia" by Faithless from about a year or so ago. I had the import single of that, and the import single of "Salva Mea", so he gets the domestic album, "Reverence".

The album by the way, has the best mixes of both those songs on it, so if you like either one, you can get the domestic album for less than the cost of one import single. See? I’m not just hustling CDs here, I’m looking out for you too!

So right now, I have 15 CDs in the car, two in the backpack, (gotta test those CD-ROM drives somehow!) and the rest are arranged neatly on the shelves, alphabetically within genre, instead of just wherever I put 'em last. We'll see how long that lasts. The shelves are pretty full. My best guess is that I can fit another 70 or 80 on the existing shelves. So I figure I have another four to six months of buying until I have to make more room.

Since it’s the middle of the month, after I made some room on the shelves, I logged on to CDnow to place this month’s order. About an hour and $150 later, I’d ordered 11 more. Plus I still have four on backorder. That puts me right about average!

Check the Music Reviews page to see what I ordered today, and for some updates to the disks reviewed last month. (As of this writing, I haven’t tested the new links yet. I’ll get to that in the morning.) [Update from later in the day:  All the links are tested.  I only muffed two of them!]

By the way, I’m playing around with the layout of the reviews and with the links to CDnow. Last month, for the most part anyway, the titles and artists were embedded in the text of the review. And the links pointed to the artist’s complete discography page.

This month, I’m listing the artist and title first thing in the paragraph, and the links point directly to the reviewed disk. You can always click the Discography button from that disk’s page to see everything else available by that artist. If you have a preference, let me know.

Anyhow, by this time it was almost 1:00. No time for laundry, dishes or vacuuming! J I had a date to keep! Guess what, he was there! Oh, and I didn’t tell you his name last night, I mean I can't go on calling him Miss Florida now, can I? His name is Danger-Boy. Now don’t get him confused with Jeff the cook/bartender/webmaster at Muther’s, okay?

The lilacs are well past peak, and brown for the most part. But there’s more than just lilacs in Highland Park, and some of the bipedal scenery was delightful too. We settled in under a tree by one of the stages, had a few brews, caught a couple of bands and shot the breeze. When the thunderstorms moved in after six or so, we came back here and picked up where we left off last night. J

We didn’t get much conversation in last night, (go figure!) but we made up for it today. Danger-Boy is 33 and definitely bi, came right out and said it. (So much for my str8-boy conversion fantasy! And damn, I could really use that toaster!) Interestingly, neither he, nor apparently his girlfriend, seem to think his "extra-curricular activities" with guys constitutes a threat to their relationship or alters their commitment. Welcome to the 90s!

I’d forgotten how much I miss straight friends. They’ve all moved away, or we’ve lost touch over the years. He reminded me of how much I enjoy the "butch" side of me. We talked mostly about our backgrounds, likes, dislikes, his girlfriend, his kids, (four) that sort of thing. He’s really an interesting guy, and it seems we have similar, diverse backgrounds, although his is a bit more colorful than mine. We’ve both had drug problems, worked all sorts of different jobs, grew up in neighboring neighborhoods, stuff like that.

I found myself very relaxed and comfortable with him. Really at ease. I have a concern or two, but we’ll see how that pans out. Should my concerns prove unwarranted, I think I’d like him around as a friend. And if there’s the occasional roll in the hay, that’s fine too, but actually, I think I’d be just as happy without it.

Strange. Up until today, I never thought I’d get involved with a bi guy, except maybe for a one-nighter. And I’d have said you were nuts if you told me I’d be the "guy on the side" like this. Life just gets interestinger and interestinger as you learn more about yourself and others.

Sunday May 17, 1998 Over the course of the day…

So tonight or tomorrow I’m going to make sure we get to the "What do you see in me?" conversation. Both sides. I don’t want to go much further without knowing where I stand, and where he stands. I mean, is this an extended trick, spring fling, fuck buddies, or more importantly to me, can we be friends?

Reading back on the last two days entries, I find it interesting to see how my opinion has changed is such a short time. I mean, My writing about him on Friday night/Saturday morning was quite derogatory, even as I chronicled my changing feelings.

I started out feeling almost contemptuous. Then I was amused as he was talking to the two lesbians. (Turns out, by the way, that one was a friend who he hadn’t seen in years.) Well, then we moved to pleasant flirt practice, followed by a quick boink, then hours of conversation in the park yesterday.

Although I find him strikingly gorgeous, (we’re talking major stud-muffin here,) I’m drawn to him more strongly in other ways. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking love, or even infatuation here. I’ve been trying for a few hours to sort it out and find the words, and the best I can come up with is "kindred spirits", and I’m not sure that’s quite right.

I strongly relate to the things in his past he’s shared with me. We seem to have the same attitude on most things. He’s more expressive, where I’m more reserved, but we seem to see things in about the same way. He’s also very direct. Doesn’t seem to throw subtle hints around, and I like that. I’m the same way, and as I’ve written before, subtlety is something I frequently either misinterpret or miss entirely. I think that’s what makes me feel so comfortable with him. He’s easy to be with because there’s no guesswork involved. And yet, he seems to get just as confused as I do with other people sometimes.

I saw him through a wide range of emotions and situations yesterday, and he never seemed ill at ease. He seems remarkably well integrated. There’s some essential part of his nature was always there, right on the surface. I guess I’m hoping some of that will rub off.

New Topic:

Last week I was going to write about this, but since I’m officially "on hiatus", I let it wait. The nice thing about editing in Word and just pasting the text into FrontPage is that I can work on something for a while, two weeks in this case, before posting it. It’s a little extra freedom.

We’re really blessed in Rochester with a long history of activism. Since the early nineteenth century, there’s always been something. Anti-slavery, women’s sufferage, the equal rights movement, and the gay rights movement, all have had strong support here through the years.

One of our continuing blessings is the Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley. The Alliance was formed back in the 70s when several groups combined to operate as a single organization.

The Alliance’s monthly newspaper, The Empty Closet, is New York State’s oldest continually published gay/lesbian/bi newspaper. It even predates most of the national publications like The Advocate. You can pick up the EC free at dozens of locations in Western New York on the first weekend of every month, or you can subscribe. A subscription is also included with your annual membership in the GAGV. I’m a Patron-level member. (Sounds like Public Television, doesn’t it?)

The Empty Closet is celebrating it’s 25^th anniversary this year. One of the new features added this past January, is one you see in many magazines these days. It’s called "25 Years Ago This Month".

We have a long way to go towards achieving full equality and acceptance in society, and I don’t advocate resting on our laurels. But it’s nice to look back and see how far we’ve come. Here’s two items from the May 1973 issue:

Two Buffalo bars were closed by the State Liquor Authority because their premises had become a "gathering place for homosexuals, degenerates and other undesirables." The bars were fighting the action in court.

Patrick Doyle, a writer for a new publication called The Advocate, was in Rochester on May 15 to interview members of the Gay Liberation Front at the University of Rochester for an article entitled "Gays on Campus," which was expected to appear in August or September.

Wow. "Homosexuals, degenerates and other undesirables." Sounds like the dark ages, doesn’t it? Yet that was only 25 years ago, just three years before I came out. And, it was not quite four years AFTER Stonewall!

Earlier this year in the EC, they printed a brief history of the Alliance, and some of the organizations that preceded it. I was a bit miffed at the time that someone was left out of the history. I got over it as I realized that much of our history from that time exists only in the memories of the people who were there. And many of them have moved on, in one way or another.

As for the person who was left out, well you know him too. Vince-the-ex. He’s one of the founding members of the Alliance. He was active in the Gay Liberation Front, and he’s told me some of the stories over the years.

During the week I phoned him and encouraged him again to write about those times, for possible inclusion in the EC, and certainly for posting here. After all, that’s what the Contributors page is for.

I don’t want to steal his thunder, but I’d like to whet your appetite a bit. As we went on, he told me again about the GLF meetings at U of R, and of the initial meetings between the different groups that came together to form the GAGV. He told me about some of the frequently heated discussions on choosing the name, and then about opening the first community center on Brown Street.

Those early days laid a great foundation for the Alliance. There are now dozens of groups either affiliated with the Alliance, or associated with it in one way or another, even if it’s just using the facilities. The new community center, which is owned by the Alliance rather than rented, has something going on almost all the time. The community calendar and listing of groups spans four half-pages in The Empty Closet every month.

We have come a long way. But there’s still a long way to go.

Up to Sat, Early Sun